we have pet lesbian snakes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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