We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You don't make any sense
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