you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
