i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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