she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
