i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
