You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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