i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
