i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need water and some morals
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
