What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
