Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize