I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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