Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
