There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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