The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
