she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
