I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
