Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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