Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
