God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
