Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
