You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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