hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
