You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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