I wish I could punch you in the face.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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