I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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