i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
