we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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