I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
