well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
