I'm lost and stupid without you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
