"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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