I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
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Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
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My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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