I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
