Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
