ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
