love makes seman taste better
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
