Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
