Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
