Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
