I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
