Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
