fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
