her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
