I don't remember. Are we still dating?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
