just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
