That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
