i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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