Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
