I wanna bring you to show and tell
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
