my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
