He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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