After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
