u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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