Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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