It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
