If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
