By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
