The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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