nut hugger
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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