those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
