Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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