apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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